The difference in trivial things had an impact on our upbringing. The subtle way you showed us how to live made drastic changes. On top of that, any voice of opposition is squashed, and you make it a lot worse. How you expect us to help you in the kitchen and how you let the others be evident. I am expected to follow through. Why allow him to have everything that is locked up for me? I cannot even cry about the fact that you are conservative. Even if you fail to break these, that does not mean you did not break any for me. Time is making a difference. But I wish for the sand to flow faster. I kept my fingers crossed, betting on things out of my control and hoping for the best. It is vain to rebel against your tyranny out of love for me. You somewhere know that I desire different things. But you chalk it up to naive children's thoughts.
I didn't ask to be born or continue to be so. So why do I owe you? You made the decision, and yet you are ignorant. Does my being your doll satisfy you like a little girl playing with her plastic doll? I am me, and you are you. I know you love me, and I love you too, but please let me go. Please stop breaking my hopes to the point where I am afraid to hope. Please don't let my soul be dimmed into a plastic human doll. I don't want that for myself. Slowly, with time, I'm losing my will to hold on. It's tough to hang on to this thread of hope and have faith that it will be pulled up. Why don't you understand how I want to live as I want? Even if my path has troubles, it will be okay. I will be fine. You don't have to worry about me at every turn; let me fall and injure myself. But be there to bandage my wound and watch me get up and play again.
Please, I beg you to stop it, to stop this hopelessness in me. Once it's broken, I'm scared it won't ever come back. Once lost, hope is difficult to find. To find it, I need faith and hope. It's a loophole that I will never be able to break free from. After a while, I would even accept this loop and let it be. Like I'm trapped in this room with no hope of fighting. These moments make me question whether it is even worth all this. What in the future will make it all make sense? Will I ever get out of this jail? The worst part about this jail is that it's not physical. But the fact is that I have bars in my head. The free, open mind that everyone talks about. I lost that long ago. My mind is restricted to reality. The only way out is through the books, which, like everything else, are losing value. It makes me sad that I will never experience everything out there. You are ignorant of me. You want the best for me, and I know and understand. But your plan for the best is a double-edged sword, and I'm close to getting bled out. Open your eyes and see me, hear my annoyance, and change, even if slowly.
When did you change from being my greatest joy to someone who makes me want to leave the hall? Instead of being on a happy high, the moment I step inside, it changes. Your actions, snide remarks, and looks take it down. When I was young and excited about silly things, you didn't mind but played along. But as I grew older, my excitement shifted. But you don't get it. Now you turn everything into a lesson and use my words against me. I have grown up and seen things in less rosy ways. I am learning your faults and shortcomings and making peace with them. Or at least trying to. Why can't you also change with time? Why not play along now? Is it a privilege reserved for children? My toys and small rocks became passions, friendships, and stepping-stone events. You must learn that I am growing up. All I want is to be happy when I reach home after going somewhere I love, which you may not. Stop making me beg for independence and free will. The growing tension and fights will someday be something that will be hard to come back from. As I grew up learning about the world, you went from wiping my tears to causing them. Why has the source of my once greatest joy become a source of such miserableness?
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