Dear annoying super talkative bestie
You may be upset, distraught and a little bit betrayed. You see, I had known what was in me- the cancer cells growing and destroying my lungs. But I couldn't tell you. I couldn't see pity and sadness in your eyes. I know I was being selfish by hiding the truth for months until my dying breath. I could have told you and come clean, but what would it lead to? Just misery for both. It is more painful to say "goodbye, my friend" than not breathe easily. The days left, I wanted them to be cheerful as much as possible, everyone treating me the same. I hated the eyes of my family when they knew the truth. The pain was evident, clearly shining in their eyes. It got imprinted on my soul till the time there were none.
You see, the closer I came to darkness, the more peaceful it felt. All of the feelings and familiar people felt so far from me still I didn't want them near. At one moment, I am reaching my hand out to them, shouting to pull me, and then I didn't want it. It felt like nothing mattered anymore. I grew cold, indifferent and distinct from everyone. Do you remember the poem ' Fire and Ice' by Robert Frost? It said both passion and indifference can cause destruction. The teacher asked which one do we favour? You raised your hand in favour of fire as it can be overbearing, and I was sceptical of both. Well, I have now concluded- ice. Which is indifference can cause destruction, as it was what I was feeling.
Now, don't miss me so much and move on. But keep me and my words in a deep part of your brain. I'm gone. But I'm there next to you, seeing you achieve.
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