Holding Arms and Fading Rooms

The feeling of warmth and fuzziness surrounded her in a lover's arms that left her melty for days. It is difficult to remember back to a memory unclouded by future events that were unknown at that time. The hours went with them in their world, separated from the outside. In the comfort of the four walls, they had all the freedom of the sky. They explored the other person, finding the nook of their necks, the smoothness of their backs and the sound of their breaths. The structure of the collar bone and the ridges of their spine. She wanted to know every detail, curve, sound and feel of his skin. They were yet to go to the future with divergent paths. Still, this getaway was a distant memory of a happy cloud—the playful comfort in the blankets and the lazy kisses in drowsiness. The enamour of the eye contact and the laughs in between their actions. But as with all flights, they have to return from this getaway and land in reality.

The new room was filled with exploration, not out of curiosity but like a student cramming before an exam. The research was done to pass the next few hours and then lost in the trench of trifling mundane details. A drug hit of dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins. She was high with the “love” hormones working their magic. There is laughter but without the shared secret humour. It had the old practised rhythm and system working, resulting in high efficiency and effectiveness. Just as fast as it all started. This room and its story ends with this encounter. Unlike her lover’s arms, where the future was unknown, the terms were already set. This certainty of divergence was the string binding the room together. 

Comparing her lover’s arms and graze to someone with indifference and skills, she learned pieces of herself and the world. The “love” hormone magic wears off with the temporary room and crashes her into empty emotions. After this crash, she understands the distinction between a lover’s arms and love hormones magic. The former effect steadily lasted for weeks, and the latter burned high only for a few days. In these small understandings, she discovers her stupid heart in preferring a lover’s arms.

Writer’s Note: This piece evokes two different emotions and, ironically, was written by two distinct “mes " over a long time. It is like the harmony of understanding a few emotions coming together, like the musubi from “Your Name.”