There is so much pain in knowing so much. Why is she the one who knows the secrets in that place? She did not ask for this burden. Out of five people, only she knows the heart-wrenching truth about the future. It is killing her. Why is healing a spiral process than a straight line? What happens when your unhealed wounds slice again? Does it hurt less or more? Even though people know their mistakes, none would think twice before doing the same thing all over again. It is stupid and mindless. Oh my god, she will get hurt again, and she doesn't know where she will fall this time. Like last time wasn't enough trauma, and more will pile on. It is worse that she knows the main two secrets. She doesn't know where her heart lies and what is black or white. Out of all the colours, she does surely hate grey. Grey is a mean colour, so indecisive. Why is she painted in grey? She knows not choosing is still a choice, but how will she choose between the people she loves the most? Choosing one would break her heart, and she hopes that choice never comes. For she is grey and will neither be black nor white. She is in a kingdom of lies, and the queen of aloofness is what she desires to be. How amazing would it be to be free from thoughts? Being grey means having endless debates in her head on what is wrong and right. How can she preserve the smiles when they share their conflicting secrets? Both these secrets are of two opposing natures. Two secrets holding two dreams will destroy the other. There are no ways for both these dreams to be present side-by-side. She is helping both sides and restraining the whole truth from both. In the end, she betrays both. She hates herself for this. These are not her story to unveil but theirs. But it alone is her knowledge to see the burned bridge burn again in the coming spring. After all, it is the smoke that paints her grey.
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